For my first post, I thought I’d break down the qualities or traits of what I think makes a man evolved. There are a lot of definitions out there describing ‘man’, like Metrosexual, Renaissance/Universal Man, Cave Man, Playboy and my favorite; the Hobosexual. Each one of these focuses on one aspect of the man – some positive and some not so positive. The evolved man encompasses the best traits of all of these.
1. Tough. A lot of my female friends have told me, above wanting a guy who is sensitive and loyal, they also want a guy who is a ‘guy’. This means someone who is masculine and tough. I’m not talking about being an Ultimate Fighting Champion, but someone who will stand up to challenges presented to him – whether another person or a situation. Throughout my life, I have met a few men who are tough as nails. You know, the kind of guy who despite having a physical injury will go work 12 hours in the ‘trenches’ and not complain about it – because he needs to feed his family. The guy who is so tired from exhaustion, he can still push himself a little more to finish the job at hand. Now a days, I meet men who can’t even use a screw driver and screw to hang up a picture; or is afraid to get his fingers dirty; or sits on his ass when people work around him. An evolved man has the physical and mental toughness to persevere – to meet challenges and not give up.
2. Takes care of himself – This means his health and personal appearance. I think if you take care of yourself, it is a reflection of what you are capable of. Some guys I’ve met have literally given up on themselves. They wear sweatpants and (Red) Crocs and don’t even bother with haircuts, because a baseball hat will do the trick. The evolved man is well put together – he is fashion conscious (not obsessive), well groomed and physically fit. This is the guy who can pick out his own wardrobe, gets a regular haircut, trims his nose and/or ear hair, and works out regularly (not just weightlifting but whole body). He cares about himself.
3. Able to express a complete range of emotions. There are essentially four basic human emotions experienced in life: sadness, anger, happiness and fear. Men generally experience anger and happiness but sadness and fear are pretty foreign. Why? Because it represents loss or threat. Guys deal with this by repressing their feelings, because they don’t get it, and therefore can not express themselves verbally. This is probably why men usually end up getting ‘pissed off’ when women try to share their emotional issues with them. The evolved man not only understands he has more emotions than anger and happiness, he is able to express them. More than that, he is not concerned with what people will think of him. He cries when he is sad and doesn’t care if people think he is weak. He hugs his buddies and not care if people think he is gay. He expresses his emotions because he feels them.
4. Diverse knowledge and interests. I started making more female friends because I found it difficult sometimes to have deeper conversations with my guy friends. There is an extent to which I can talk about girls, cars, sports or gear. The evolved man can talk about any subjects and has diverse interests. His knowledge base and interests read like the categories of the magazine section at the big box book store.
5. Takes care of responsibilities – Man Up! This is a trait I feel passionate about. I am a firm believer that we need to be accountable to the choices we make. As a father, it is a privilege for me to have a son and I do not take this for granted. Basically, I am no longer responsible to just myself. In fact, on a list of priorities, I have been downgraded a few notches after, my son, my wife and my family in general. What this means is that my actions directly affect the people I am responsible to. In my life and having worked as a career counsellor, I have met many men who have this sense of entitlement that frankly, pisses me off. After months and months of job search, they would refuse job opportunities because the work is ‘beneath’ them. Meanwhile, these guys have a family to support and they are getting deeper into debt. Maybe its just me but if you have a family to take care of, then maybe you need to check your ‘ego’ and do what it takes to make it happen. The evolved man knows what his responsibilities are and takes care of them above his own needs.
6. Respects women. It is weird in this day and age and in a Western society to even talk about respecting women, but it’s amazing how many men still think of women as objects. To be specific, sex objects. I catch man staring, scratch that, drooling when they see beautiful women. It’s not even subtle and it makes me ashamed to be a guy. As the guy said in the 40 Year Old Virgin, ‘use your peripherals’. Of course respecting women go beyond just not getting caught staring. The evolved man treat women and the roles they play as equal to their own – whether colleague, wife, mother or friend.
7. Strives for personal growth. There is so much going on in our lives and in the world. Its cliche to say its moving fast. With all these demands, the evolved man is able to look at ways to better himself. He strives to understand himself so he can grow. He looks at ways to achieve balance in himself and in the roles he plays.
8. Provide service to others. I guess the sexist word to describe this is ‘gentleman’. Providing service to others go beyond just to women. My Uncle Bob is a great example of this. When he and I go for walks in town, it takes forever to get to our destination. The reason is that he opens the door for everyone – young, old, male, female. It didn’t matter. He’d go out of his way to greet people – a friendly nod, a hello or a smile. I’d ask him if he knew all those people but of course he didn’t. Uncle Bob told me its the polite and courteous thing to do. Its about respecting people. The evolved man is sensitive to those around him and strives to provide service to them.
So this begins the journey of this blog and I look forward to building a like minded community. The evolved man is well rounded, a guys guy, emotionally strong, well put together and dynamic. It’s James Bond meet Dr. Phil.
Man up ! · Metrosexual · Personal growth
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ChessFanMan · October 29, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Hey Mark,
Your 8 qualities are dead on. It’s very refreshing to encounter a guy who writes so openly about his personal thoughts and experiences.
In #8 you imply that providing service to others is ‘sexy’, through the term ‘gentleman’. I like how you’ve defined ‘gentleman’ through the example of your uncle. You’ve got me thinking though…what exactly do you mean by sexy?
IMO, that a man today writes about service to others without nudging from a religious authority is extremely encouraging.
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Mark Reply:
October 29th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Thanks for the comment ChessFanMan. I used the word gentleman to reference a time when men were chivalrous. This was a guy who honoured and was highly considerate of women. He was gracious, respectful and courteous. These are pretty sexy qualities in my opinion. In today’s time, I think it is important to extend these qualities to everyone, not just women. I suppose ‘caring’ for people and the community would be the Man Evolved definition of gentleman.
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Robyn Reply:
August 6th, 2012 at 3:24 am
Okay, so first of all, I am a woman; and I came across your blog in a seach “how to meet men in evolution”. I really appreciate what you have written. I searched that topic because of the apparent absence of what outlined in your 8 points.
So, I want to share my responses to two points you made.
First of all that the emotional disconnect of being treated as an object of sex or affection, or anything for that matter, rather than sharing with a sincere desire to learn and understand, leaves me feeling lonely. That said, a man who is able to stay in present time while talking with a woman, sincerely interested in who she is, have much to offer.
Regarding gentlemanly behaviour being sexy. I couldn’t agree more that service to others is a very attractive quality in a man. That said, I want to also point out that we women like to feel “special” and…sexy comes out best when one to one personal time is protected and valued. So, if out for dinner, for example, if the man is gentlemannly to all the people in the restaurant, while his girlfriend or wife is sitting by feeling like a side-kick, that’s not sexy at all. If I may be so bold, I feel a mistake some men make, is to assume that because they are helping so many people “out there” or being chivilrous to the world at large, that the woman would be proud and happy with him. But, he must also realize, in my view, that she needs to feel special and there are times to put all else aside and focus 100% of the time with her. That’s the sexiest mix.
Well, for what it’s worth…
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Cindy Reply:
December 14th, 2012 at 3:29 am
Thanks Mark – and also Robyn for your added insight. I absolutely agree with you, Robyn, about the guys who seem to want to make a good impression (doing for everyone, and not present with their One) – this is not sexy at all, and creates loneliness in the relationship for the woman. I think it’s the intent that makes the difference. If the guy’s intentions are honest and coming from his Higher Self (not his ego, which wants pats on the back) then he’ll know the right thing to do, and will be present with his woman when they’re together.
I typed in ‘where are the evolved men?’ too, because I just broke up with a guy who I’d been trying to explain this stuff to, but who just didn’t want to know (and yes, he wore track pants and crocks – true!!!) I just keep working on my inner self, and believe that when I’m ready the Universe will provide. I have to believe that…
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Weekly Round-Up: January 9, 2010 | The Art of Manliness · January 9, 2010 at 5:46 pm
[...] 8 Qualities of a Man Evolved (@Man Evolved). Mark’s started a new blog where he explores the qualities and skills he thinks an authentic, balanced and dynamic man should embody. Here he lays out what he believes are the 8 qualities of an evolved man. [...]
gylcol · January 9, 2010 at 6:44 pm
Well done with that list. I would agree with you on all of them. I really appreciate the showing the full range of emotion in the same list as tough. Thanks for sharing and keep up the great content
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Andrew · January 10, 2010 at 6:49 am
Really good overview of what it should mean to be a man. I checked myself against the traits and it’s given me some ideas for 2010 goals/resolutions.
I am looking forward to your future posts, good luck with the blog.
Andrew
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What I’m Reading – Link Roundup « A Man's Journey · January 10, 2010 at 5:39 pm
[...] A Man Evolved posts on the 8 Qualities That Make a Man [...]
Jennifer · March 20, 2011 at 10:42 pm
Hi
Thank you for writing this poignant and refreshing piece. It sets this woman’s mind at ease to know that there are men who care about their personal growth and evolving into the best they can be.
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Joe · August 13, 2011 at 10:52 am
Exactly!
My only critque of the article is that an evolved man’s knowledge goes further than the magazine rack. He know what’s IN books and applies it.
Awesome article once again. My girfriend and two other women have called me an evolved man on their own and they all live in different states and don’t know each other. I’ve had a few comments, “His momma raised him right”. My answer, “No my dad raised an evolved man”.
Often it’s said if you want to see what a man is like look at how he treats his mother. True, but better yet look at how his dad treats his mother.
I did a search on the internet to find the description of “an evolved man” and you’ve penned it well.
Oh, good tip for anyone trying to raise an evolved man. My dad mostly never opened a door for my mom in my presence. It’s MY job.
Rule #1 – An evolved man opens the door for his mom as soon as he’s (physically) big enough to no matter who else is there to do it. Start him early too, no later than 10yrs old, 6yrs old much better.
Best wishes to a fellow evolved man
Oh yeah, my girlfriend is sooooooooo reading this.
Thnx
Joe
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LYoung Reply:
March 25th, 2013 at 5:16 pm
You’re awesome Joe. I too am very fortunate to be married to an ‘evolved man’ and I tell him all the time with those very words…along with how much I love him and appreciate him.
You have no idea, as a woman, how wonderful it is when you meet an ‘evolved man’ who is comfortable in his own skin and not worried about what other men think of him; a man who is mature of mind and is not selfish.
All the best to you ‘evolved man’. Can you spread the word?
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reverse phone lookup · June 20, 2012 at 11:20 pm
The gods do nothing until theyve blinded that the minds
of that the wicked.
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x · August 30, 2012 at 6:43 pm
Someone who is concerned about their outward appearance does NOT understand their emotions. You criticize men’s objectification of women, and then you objectify yourself. It sounds like you’re real “tough” on sticking up for what’s right– as long as it’s manipulating others to your advantage, who cares if it obviously violates your own stated principles that would also manipulate others to your advantage? Maybe nobody will notice.
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Mark Reply:
November 14th, 2012 at 8:28 pm
Hmm…?
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Vinwilder · November 4, 2012 at 11:31 pm
The list is good. Guess you made a mistake by naming the category. Evolved Man.. Sounds very premature and inappropriate. I would rather say all these are required of “today’s man”. By using the word ‘Evolved’ you are limiting the evolution of the entire mankind to these rules, which in my humble opinion, is pretty juvenile. But appreciate your research.
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Mark Reply:
November 5th, 2012 at 7:09 am
No mistake. I am not Darwin. This is just my humble opinion.
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j9 · January 5, 2013 at 4:09 am
The list is very good.
I have been so lucky to become friends and fall in love with one from this rare sub-species!!!
An evolved man is aware enough to do the extra doting on his woman. Just as I want him to know he is my special one.
Anyway, I am pretty thrilled each passing day to have found him as he is to have found me. He is very freed from mainstream expectations as I am, and focused on evolvement.
May this subspecies thrive!!!
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LYoung · March 25, 2013 at 4:59 pm
Thank you so much for this piece it is wonderful. As a woman it is great to see there are men out there that ‘get it’. Men like you are so important not only to the feminist movement but to the betterment of the human race full stop (which is ultimately what the feminist movement is about).
Men don’t really listen to women, they tend to listen only to other men, and men like yourself removing all of the hiding places and justifications for negative male behavior is a joy to see.
Thank you and all the best to you and your family!
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