In a previous post, What I Did to be a Better Father and the 6 Things I Learned, I wrote about how I became a better father from observing my son. In fact, this exercise helped me become a better person. I will probably regret writing this post (as I am sure my son will use these words against me at some point), but the truth is, I want to be more like him when I ‘grow up’. My son is the ultimate Man Evolved and he doesn’t even know it yet.

When we get older and start getting bogged down by big scary responsibilities, we totally lose ourselves. We are filled with baggage; we get cynical about things; we are seldom in the moment, and we forget about all those positive qualities we had as a child. Although I am not a stay at home dad, I chose to spend one weekday a week with my son at home. Not only has this been a great ‘bonding’ experience, it has allowed me to ‘re-learn’ a few things.

1. Be Curious. My son asks a lot of ‘whys?’ From an adult perspective, the onslaught of this one word question can get extremely annoying. But through his eyes, he is just curious and wants to learn. Everything to him is new and he is full of wonder. He is not selective in what he wants to know. He is curious about everything; from driving, to making eggs and hash browns, to folding cloths. Asking ‘why?’ has exposed me to wonderful things our World offers. It has helped to foster my creativity and increase my personal growth.

2. Determination and Persistence. There are definitely things I don’t cave to, despite the amounts of ‘Can I? Huh Can Is?’. But my son’s persistence pays off, because once in awhile, he gets what he wants. I think if I could be that persistent, I would probably have a few things I wanted in life. He taught me if you want something bad enough, you just have to keep asking for it. And if you still don’t get what you want, try asking another way.

3. Be Present. When he is engaged in whatever activity, that is the only thing on his mind. When he plays with cars, he makes the tire squealing and the roaring engine sounds. He is focused on his task and he is not thinking about tomorrow’s dinner or running down that ‘to do’ list. Although he may only play with cars for a while, then move on to something else, he is focused for that period of time. I practiced these short spurts of ‘present-ness’ and it actually helped me accomplish more. I used to multi-task and now, I single-task quicker.

4. Play. As adults, I don’t think we play. We compete or we exercise. I am lucky my son involves me in a lot of his play. Recently, I rediscovered Play Doh. I’ll admit it, I have more fun then him. It’s creative and it sucks you right in. It’s very Zen. I think playing helps to develop creativity and collaboration. When my son and I play, we create masterpieces together. We are not limited by ‘rules’ or ‘laws’, we just do what we want and we feed off of each other. It’s very cool.

5. Express Feelings. My son does not hold back his emotions and is quite comfortable expressing them. He does it instantaneously without keeping it bottled up for days and days. What is especially enlightening is that once he releases his emotions, he moves on – like the event never happened. I know I always feel better after I express my emotions. Now, I just have to do it quicker, then let it go.

6. Total Honesty. Yup. My son tells it as it is (he’ll learn tact at some point). No doubt this can be a problem, and sure; too much honesty can be a bad thing. I think as adults, because we are generally uncomfortable with hurting others, we have swayed to the other side. We may not be lying, but we are definitely not telling the truth either. Take breaking up in a relationship for example. The “it’s not you, it’s me” line is such a cop out. Although the ‘real’ reasons may hurt the other person, it may also help them grow and establish meaningful relationships in the future. Being honest helps me to be authentic – which helps me to live simply. When you are honest, life goes much smoother.

7. Light-Heartedness. My son is a brat and he does things that annoy me. However, I’ve come to realize I am only annoyed because of my ‘shit’ – like I am stressed about something when he sticks his finger in my ear or his well ‘sucked on’ stuff toy in my nose, then giggling uncontrollably. Once I realize he is just being silly, I loosen up and join him. Life is too heavy and at times, you just have to stick your finger in someone’s ear.

8. Compassion. Once he was old enough to realize hitting his pet dog with a stick hurts, he started to understand compassion. Now when anyone (me, the dogs, his friends, mommy, grandpa) is hurt, he comforts them. He gently puts his hand on them and asks “Are you hurt? Are you okay?” This act is so incredible, it fills me with warmth. If I can only extend myself so unconditionally to those who are hurt.

At some point in our lives, we lose these qualities. I am grateful my son has re-taught to me these things. He is a great teacher and I hope I am a worthy student.

lessons learned · Personal growth

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