As a healthy red blooded guy like you, I wake up every morning saluting the World; think about sex every 7 seconds and am ready to ‘get down’ at a moment’s notice. It doesn’t take much for guys to get aroused. You know what I mean. A simple sight, sound, smell or touch will do the trick. Women, on the other hand, take a lot more to arouse. The process is slower, unpredictable, complex and sometimes more difficult.

Men are focused when it comes to sex. When its time to have some fun, there is only one goal; one thought on our minds: sex. Women on the other hand, consider everything – emotions, stress levels, feelings about herself, the surrounding, her partner and everything in between.

Sorry guys, this is not a ‘pick up women’ article. It is to help men with partners, who have found the frequency and quality of their sex life diminishing over time, especially with increased stressors (mortgages, kids etc). So, in true male form, I hope to impart my learnings to help my ‘brothers’ get some tonight or after you read this, tomorrow night.

1. Foreplay begins the night before. I had always thought foreplay began the second the lights went out. Boy was I wrong. Women are emotional and until they have had a chance to express their emotions, they will keep thinking about things. Your goal is therefore to make sure she goes to bed happy with you. So, don’t pick a fight before saying good night.

2. Start the day off right. It’s the little things that mean the World to her. If she’s always complaining about you not making her coffee, make her coffee in the morning. If she hates that you leave your clothes on the bathroom floor, make sure its not there. You get the idea. I find a lot of women are always rushed in the morning. If you can help her start the day off right, it’ll mean a lot.

3. Compliment her. Doing this early in the day helps her start off feeling good about herself and it doesn’t arouse suspicion. When you tell her she looks ‘hot’ just before bedtime, she knows what you want and will probably tell you she has a headache. A simple “you look beautiful” will do. Don’t overdo it.

4. Alleviate any pressure. Stress is the number one killer of sex. If there are things you can do to eliminate pressures on her, then its worth your while. Some things you can’t control, like her boss yelling at her at work, but the things you can; like picking up her dry cleaning or the groceries, then help her with it. Your goal is to help her go through the day as stress free as possible.

5. Support her throughout the day. I know a lot of people call their partners throughout the day and most time it is to ask “what are you doing?” or to remind them of something or to confirm plans. Next time you call her, ask her “How is your day going?” If it is bad, ask “What can I do to make it (things) easier for you?” These are two very powerful questions and shows that you really care and are supportive. Throughout the day, send her a text or email with three simple words “I Love You”. Make sure you don’t over do it. Checking in on her throughout the day and letting her vent, if she is having a bad day, will help her decompress.

6. Ask her about her day. When she gets home, make sure you ask her how her day was? Listen and nod. Don’t try to solve her problems. Just let her vent.

7. Make her dinner. It doesn’t have to be a gourmet meal or her favorite, but if it is edible and she doesn’t have to do it, then you just earned some key points. If it is her favorite, then you just scored bonus points. Don’t forget to take care of the dishes too.

8. Draw her a bubble bath. A lot of the women I know really enjoy baths. It is their personal time to unwind and decompress. Light some candles, leave a glass of her favorite drink and let her be. CAUTION! This is where you can spoil it. You know she’s naked and your tendency is to rip off your clothes and jump right in. Don’t! It’ll ruin it for her.

9. Give her a massage. Once she’s bathed, give her a massage. Make it a therapeutic one, as opposed to a sexual one. Help her release some tension and don’t just grab her breasts. CAUTION! Here’s another point to keep it cool.

10. Ease into it. Give her some gentle kisses and don’t just go for gold. She’ll respond but let her call the shots.

I know this will be hard. Let’s face it; we’re ready to go at step 1. If you show some restraint, you’ll benefit ten folds. In doing these things, you will have addressed all the conditions affecting her arousal. Although this article is meant to be in good humor, if you consistently exercise these suggestions, it will make your relationship better, not to mention it will get you more sex. Happy Valentines Day and Good luck brother.

Your Wingman.

advice · better partner · sex

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